What would you do if you had only 6 months to live?
What would I do if I had only 6 months to live? Good question (philosophical or otherwise), I should say. Well, my answer would be that I will keep on doing what I do best, to paint and paint my heart out until the last moment comes! What I mean is that I will keep on painting whatever captures my imagination and do that ’till I breathe my last one. Sounds so mundane but that’s what I will probably be doing until the end comes. Or maybe I will do whatever is left on my bucket list, like climbing Mount Everest, something so impossible yet it can be done if the spirit is willing to do it. Or perhaps do a good deed each day left for me to live which I’ve been doing all my life. What else can I think of? Maybe write some notes of gratitude or write farewell letters, emails or what not to all the people I’ve known and loved. Then say my last goodbye.
Perhaps I will reach out and talk to someone that I’ve missed all these years or lost contact along the way after “I left my heart in San Francisco” eons of years ago. There’s so much to do when you know that you have so little time to do whatever it is that had to be done before you let go. This is it so try to do it right! I will say my last goodbye and then gladly go. Maybe I will pause and stop, then smell the roses. Something which we never do in our rat-raced lives anymore. When was the last time you picked up a flower or a rose and stop a moment to smell it, then appreciate its graciousness, lovely fragrance and beauty? Probably never thought about it even once in your lifetime. Don’t get me wrong because I used to pass by beautiful gardens and just look at the flowers and never did I pick up one and smell it. But one sunny day at my own garden, I saw a yellow rose and picked it up, then just smelled that rose. What a beautiful feeling it was that came over me! Not only was I reminiscing the times I was with my late sister who loves yellow roses but also found the time to ‘smell the roses’ and step back in time with those lovely memories. Try it and you’ll love it! Pick up a rose and smell it! You will never know what wonderful things can happen.
Come to think of it, we just lost a family friend to “vicious pancreatic cancer” and he only had three months to live. We never found out about his passing away until months later, when his widow visited us here from San Diego, CA. Although on the days before he died, I did get a premonition in my dreams (when my ESP works overtime), seeing his widow and daughter wearing white (apparently a dream’s target is red or white) and we, the guests in my dream were wearing black in some sort of wake or party hosted by our widowed family friend. I never saw the correlation of my dream to the premonition until I remembered it was days before he died that I had that dream. Sometimes my dreams are blurry and insignificant but that particular dream stayed clearly with me for as long as I can remember and it was unforgettable in a way. Things in my dreams happen for a reason, and all I had to do was find that particular reason and analyze how my dream correlates to our daily lives.
When my brother-in-law passed away, I had an out-of-body like experience. Something in my dream that I can’t really fathom. I was there in that same room when that emergency happened. Then I saw the nurses and doctors with him in the room trying to resuscitate him and save him but were not successful. He died at a few minutes after 7:00 am and before I woke up from my dream at that same moment, I saw a really bright white lights with silhouette of a person with wings or an angel perhaps or was it “him” moving upwards to the white clouds in the sky, and was it “heaven”? I don’t really know, all I saw in that particular eventful dream looked so real but it was all in a dream. I went back to sleep and when I woke up later that same day, I was informed by my sister that our dear brother-in-law had passed away that morning at almost exactly the same time I saw that sort of vision in my dreams. Was that his way of saying goodbye to all of us, since I was the one who had some sort of ESP that he can probably reach out and communicate from beyond! I didn’t tell my sister about the dream because I know it will only make her cry more so I emailed their youngest son to tell his brothers and their mom about my unusual dream, sort of premonition again! He did and they all shared my “last goodbye dream” from their Dad. A message from beyond so aptly delivered in my own dreams.
And then the very day before our beloved mother passed away, in my dream (more of a nightmare than just a dream) I saw some threatening clouds, a dark horse, a black shiny vehicle and walls closing in on us so fast, there was no way to escape until we almost perished with me trying to stop the walls from closing in and my other sister picking up our mother’s limp body from the remains of that collapsed wall that closed in on us. Miraculously, we survived but our mother did not make it and perished. So by that dream I knew then that the last hours have finally come upon her. Not 6 months or 3 months but just a matter of hours to live. There was no time to lose, I had to be there with our mother whose serious condition was rapidly deteriorating, so I went to visit her at the hospital and while I was there she died in my arms. I gave her a big hug and said “Goodbye Mom” and then whispered to her so softly, “Thanks for being the best mother in the world. I will always love you, no matter where you are and where you will be. I will see you in the heavens someday when our time will also come.” That was on the 29th of February, 2004 andvery unforgettable day in my Life…
“Farewell Mom, I love you so much. I will never forget you till the end of time.” During the funeral services at the Holy Cross Cemetery after that Memorial Mass held at the Holy Redeemer Church, I gave a short Eulogy for her in which the whole crowd of people, family, and close friends present there cried while I was reading the Eulogy to My Beloved Mom. It was a rainy day and after reading my eulogy, it drizzled a bit and I said to myself that even the heavens opened up to cry a little bit and show its own compassion. Perhaps even my mom was looking down to us all here present at her funeral and with some tears in her eyes. . . With *tears in my eyes*, I will end this blog with so much painful memories and my only consolation was that finally her own sufferings have come to an abrupt end.